Letting Go

Montreal St. Louis Park
Originally uploaded by Arc-light.

I have been thinking a lot about what my balls were like when i was young. Like 7 years old. I remember being told by my mother that my balls were big for my age when i was born. And when I was born i did have an age. Its strange to think I was once 45 minutes old. Just as it will be interesting when I'm 15 minutes dead. Beyond the shear bizarre shapes they take on these days, I feel as if I am finally letting go of my insecurities surrounding these little balloons. Not that they are little by ball standards, They might actually be considered on the large side. I don't remember the last time i saw my father naked, but it must have been in my early teens. Big Sur I think it was, at some hot springs. And i remember how big his balls were, but now, I honestly think I have outgrown him. My memory might be playing tricks on me, But I would put money on it. When i was a kid i would love sitting in the bath investigating my balls, as if they held the answers to all the universes questions. Then there wasn't much concern for appearance, or vanity. Even at the prospect of showing them about during those experimental ages. The penis really took precedent over everything at that point. It must have been in the last 5 years my concern began. Such a strange body part, that which has kept me entertained since innocent youth. Now has changed from a ripening piece of me, to another distressing body part. Sure it has always been a strange part of me where sex is concerned, but what isn't strange about sex, when your mind is in an anatomy frame. I could go into a magnifying description of my balls, but I don't think that is necessary, what is pertinent is the fact that I am not going to let them hang on me like they hang off me. I want to move on from, yes this once beautiful relationship, to now a sour and sore one. I want to believe that in this life, you can separate yourself from the inseparable. To truly allow neither gossip or fantasy to keep me up at night. The fact that little seaman come from the insides of my balls will not be forgot, But That is fact, and I can't deny that. I can however not concern myself with my balls anymore. I can move forward with my life, and love what we once had. And who knows what the future will hold. One day the beauty might return, But even those hopes. I stuff into my closet of what needs forgetting.